Dear Susan: I met this guy four years ago in my first year of university, and we quickly became best friends. He was in a long-term relationship, so I settled for a great friendship. Two years later, he split up with his girlfriend and asked me out. I was confused and scared: for the last two years he had been a close friend and I didn’t want to lose his friendship if things didn’t work out between us. I’m not sure if it was because we were nervous, but after one date he was back with his ex and kept mum about it. When we returned to school the next year, we rebuilt our friendship, which revived my feelings for him. We flirted, and I really thought the feelings were mutual, but his girlfriend remained in the picture. Last October, he finally broke up with her again, which inevitably gave me hope about us finally being together. We started dating and being intimate, but it still wasn’t clear if we were an “item.” When I mustered the courage to ask him about it, he said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was very hurt and upset — what had the last three months together meant to him? We spent some time apart, but eventually we met at a bar and rekindled our friendship. I’m afraid to tell him how I feel considering I might get rejected — again. Do you think we have a future together? Unsure
Dear Unsure: In plain and simple terms: NO! I don’t think you have a romantic future together. You want more than he does. I think that you could be friends, but this will be hard on you. It will be especially painful for you when he starts seeing another person, which I can see happening. I am sorry if this makes you sad, but I am giving you an honest, genuine answer: he is not ready for what you want. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you or value your friendship — he does. Sadly, that isn’t enough for you.